A Necessary Break from Running
Running is many things. Painful, exciting, illuminating, calming, invigorating, monotonous, frustrating. Sometimes all in the same run. And that’s why I continue to fall in love with running, day after day.
But 2020 was the first time I questioned why I run at all. I took some time away from running after an injury, dropping out of the of the 2019 NYC Marathon days before the race. Just as I was starting to heal and go to physical therapy, COVID stopped the world in its tracks. And with it, my motivation evaporated. There was no reason to leave the house and I couldn’t physically run more than a minute or two at a time. The year 2020 could have been the time when I leaned on running more than ever to keep me sane, but my injuries left me discouraged and I blamed running for my frustrations. Instead of being excited to get back to running, I pushed it away, feeling a loss of my freedom, both from COVID and my injuries.
Throughout the year, I’ve often felt that I needed to get as far away from running as possible. I was a true beginner again, I couldn’t run more than a minute at a time and I was terrified of re-injuring myself and any inevitable setbacks. There were many days when even trying to run seemed too risky, so I avoided it.
I didn’t realize that life was giving me an opportunity to slow down. Running wasn’t necessary. There was no race to train for, no reason to push myself while what I really needed to do was recover. It took me a long time to learn this lesson, but the year forced me to pause. I had time to foam roll and stretch every day, make my physical therapy exercises a priority, and remembered the joy of a long walk.
This break from running proved to be necessary. The training schedule for the 2019 NYC Marathon had taken over my life when I had a million things going on. I over committed myself, and I was left burnt out and unsure of myself.
It took a year of slowing down to realize that taking care of myself needs to be my first priority, not my last. I started to surround myself with people who make me feel like the best version of myself, I prioritized rest, and sought out things that bring me joy. And I barely ran at all.
And something magical happened. I wanted to run again. Not out of obligation or devotion to a training plan, but because I missed the freedom. And so, I slowly got back to it, starting with just 5 minutes of running. As a marathoner, five minutes felt frustrating, but I knew that this was just the beginning. The first steps in a 26.2-mile journey.
And there have been many steps backward, steps sideways, frustrating missteps. But what has kept me going is the brief moments of joy, of peace, of expansiveness. And recently, I ran four and half miles without stopping. That felt like an impossible dream six months ago.
But this journey was an important reminder that sometimes you have to spend time recovering and transforming in order to become the next version of yourself. The stronger version, the steadier version. Sometimes a break is not the end, but an opportunity to rebuild better, faster, and stronger.
It feels incredible to finally get lost in a run again. To feel lighter, freer, a more honest version of myself. I’m ready to keep building and to run another marathon one day. But for now, I’ll focus on building every day, slowing getting ready to conquer a 10k in a few weeks.
I’m thankful for the rest, for the highs and lows. I’m even more thankful to feel like a beginner again, ready to keep building from the ground up.